For Newcomers

Sexaholics Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength, and hope with each other that they may solve their common problem and help others to recover. The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop lusting and become sexually sober. There are no dues or fees for SA membership; we are self-supporting through our own contributions. SA is not allied with any sect, denomination, politics, organization, or institution; does not wish to engage in any controversy; neither endorses nor opposes any causes. Our primary purpose is to stay sexually sober and help others to achieve sexual sobriety.*

 

Sexaholics Anonymous is a recovery program based on the principles of Alcoholics Anonymous and received permission from AA to use its Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions in 1979.

*Adapted with permission from The AA Grapevine, Inc.
SA adaptation © 1982, 1989, 2001 SA Literature.
Reprinted with permission of SA Literature.

We have a solution. We don’t claim it’s for everybody, but for us, it works. If you identify with us and think you may share our problem, we’d like to share our solution with you (Sexaholics Anonymous, last sentence, page 2).

 

In defining sobriety, we do not speak for those outside Sexaholics Anonymous. We can only speak for ourselves. Thus, for the married sexaholic, sexual sobriety means having no form of sex with self or with persons other than the spouse. In SA’s sobriety definition, the term “spouse” refers to one’s partner in a marriage between a man and a woman. For the unmarried sexaholic, sexual sobriety means freedom from sex of any kind. And for all of us, single and married alike, sexual sobriety also includes progressive victory over lust (Sexaholics Anonymous, 191-192).

The only requirement for SA membership is a desire to stop lusting and become sexually sober according to the SA sobriety definition.

Any two or more sexaholics gathered together for SA sobriety according to SA sobriety definition may call themselves an SA group.

Meetings that do not adhere to and follow Sexaholics Anonymous’ sobriety statement as set forth in the foregoing Statement of Principle adopted by the General Delegate Assembly in 2010 are not SA meetings and shall not call themselves SA meetings.

Addendum to the Statement of Principle passed by the General Delegate Assembly on July 8, 2016. 

How We Define Sobriety

Our Statement of Purpose: We have a solution. We don’t claim it’s for everybody, but for us, it works. If you identify with us and think you may share our problem, we’d like to share our solution with you (Sexaholics Anonymous, last sentence, page 2).

In defining sobriety, we do not speak for those outside Sexaholics Anonymous. We can only speak for ourselves. Thus, for the married sexaholic, sexual sobriety means having no form of sex with self or with persons other than the spouse. In SA’s sobriety definition, the term “spouse” refers to one’s partner in a marriage between a man and a woman. For the unmarried sexaholic, sexual sobriety means freedom from sex of any kind. And for all of us, single and married alike, sexual sobriety also includes progressive victory over lust (Sexaholics Anonymous, 191-192).

The only requirement for SA membership is a desire to stop lusting and become sexually sober according to the SA sobriety definition.

Any two or more sexaholics gathered together for SA sobriety according to SA sobriety definition may call themselves an SA group.

Meetings that do not adhere to and follow Sexaholics Anonymous’ sobriety statement as set forth in the foregoing Statement of Principle adopted by the General Delegate Assembly in 2010 are not SA meetings and shall not call themselves SA meetings.

Addendum to the Statement of Principle passed by the General Delegate Assembly on July 8, 2016. 

What is a Sexaholic and What is Sexual Sobriety?

We can only speak for ourselves. The specialized nature of Sexaholics Anonymous can best be understood in terms of what we call the sexaholic. The sexaholic has taken himself or herself out of the whole context of what is right or wrong. He or she has lost control, no longer has the power of choice, and is not free to stop. Lust has become an addiction.Our situation is like that of the alcoholic who can no longer tolerate alcohol and must stop drinking altogether but is hooked and cannot stop. So it is with the sexaholic, or sex drunk, who can no longer tolerate lust but cannot stop.

 

Thus, for the sexaholic, any form of sex with one’s self or with partners other than the spouse is progressively addictive and destructive. We also see that lust is the driving force behind our sexual acting out, and true sobriety includes progressive victory over lust. These conclusions were forced upon us in the crucible of our experiences and recovery; we have no other options. But we have found that acceptance of these facts is the key to a happy and joyous freedom we could otherwise never know.

This will and should discourage many inquirers who admit to sexual obsession or compulsion but who simply want to control and enjoy it, much as the alcoholic would like to control and enjoy drinking. Until we had been driven to the point of despair, until we really wanted to stop but could not, we did not give ourselves to this program of recovery. Sexaholics Anonymous is for those who know they have no other option but to stop, and their own enlightened self-interest must tell them this.

Test Yourself

  1. Have you ever thought you needed help for your sexual thinking or behavior?

  2. That you’d be better off if you didn’t keep “giving in”?

  3. That sex or stimuli are controlling you?

  4. Have you ever tried to stop or limit doing what you felt was wrong in your sexual behavior?

  5. Do you resort to sex to escape, relieve anxiety, or because you can’t cope?

  6. Do you feel guilt, remorse or depression afterward?

  7. Has your pursuit of sex become more compulsive?

  8. Does it interfere with relations with your spouse?

  9. Do you have to resort to images or memories during sex?

  10. Does an irresistible impulse arise when the other party makes the overtures or sex is offered?

  11. Do you keep going from one “relationship” or lover to another?

  12. Do you feel the “right relationship” would help you stop lusting, masturbating, or being so promiscuous?

  13. Do you have a destructive need—a desperate sexual or emotional need for someone?

  14. Does pursuit of sex make you careless for yourself or the welfare of your family or others?

  15. Has your effectiveness or concentration decreased as sex has become more compulsive?

  16. Do you lose time from work for it?

  17. Do you turn to a lower environment when pursuing sex?

  18. Do you want to get away from the sex partner as soon as possible after the act?

  19. Although your spouse is sexually compatible, do you still masturbate or have sex with others?

  20. Have you ever been arrested for a sex-related offense?